An Undelivered Letter to Dad​

Hi dad, happy birthday. You're 50 now and it's scaring the shit out of me.

I actually have a few tests tomorrow and some assignments, but this can't wait, I have been building a few words to say to you on this day, but after I summed it all up it was too long so I guess here's a shorter version of it.

Obviously I don't need to express my love and gratitude for you, because it would go on and on forever, because nobody can put a price on it. The way you sacrifice big or small things just for the sake of my happiness and comfort is a big inspiration for me and a motivation for me to do the same to you someday. Now that I think about it, I guess you're kind of a part of my whole life, literally, everything that I do, it's got to be about something you said, or from advices that you gave, or things that you do that made me do the same without me realizing, and honestly I'm not complaining. I love that you don't make shit up when it comes to talking to me and Oliv, but I know you sugarcoat sometimes when there are certain issues, but I don't mind you're just trying to protect our feelings. I love your taste of music and arts (The Beatles, Michael Jackson, etc.) and that you've rubbed some of it to me hahahah, makes me grateful that it's a part of me that I can take with me anywhere.

Even though we fight sometimes. Damn, we have the biggest fight there is, but I know you wouldn't go too far as in hitting me or calling me disrespectful names, because I know you wouldn't dare. I stress you out, you stress me out, but when we both get the answers we wanted, there's nothing else to do but laugh about it and relax. You have the damnest things to say whenit comes to jokes, some a bit weird, some a bit dirty hahahah, but I always love it when we have the same thought about something that we think is funny, and just with a single eye contact we can just burst out laugh to tears, I would love more inside jokes with you, or with anyone really hahahah. You have a unique way to tell me to do something, not like mom who's just saying what needs to be done, but you, you have your own way. By telling little things that slowly builds up to the topic but subtle, and surprisingly comforting. Though I like to joke about moving away after high school, deep deep deep deep deep inside, I'm fucking terrified and kind of don't want to be far away from the whole family. Whenever you say when me and Oliv are sad, you're sad too, it doesn't just imply to you, but also the other way around. I know sometimes you feel blue, and that's okay, because when I see you blue, I'll be blue, and then I'll try to make it better, like making hot tea, or tell stupid jokes, sing you songs, whatever it is. On a less sentimental note, I want you to know that you're always going to be the one I go for suggestions and advice. Because the words that you say are from experience, not from big ol' book, but you're experiences in this cruel unforgiving world damnit. So I guess that's it dad, I know you'll never read this, but I just need a place to let this out, maybe I'll show it to you when I'm cool enough for you to read, or when you've have learned proper English hahah just kidding. Stay younggg dad, don't let those numbers fool you. Don't smoke no more, man, stay in shape, don't binge watch like your daughter and play online games like a teen (although I heard from mom you stopped playing FarmVille not long ago, good start hahahah). Once again happy birthday, "old man". (;

I love you, I'll try to stay away from jerks and assholes.

- r.k

Motel Mexicola, Bali. I bought a beer.

New York, America. Don't know what year it was, but he was in college.